If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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