I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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