Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
