i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
