Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
