Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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