Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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