She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
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you had me at cake vodka
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
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Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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