Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
