i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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