why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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