If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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