He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
