they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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