Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
