I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
