It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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