I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
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