hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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