chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
