tell your sister to shave her snatch
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
