when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
What drink are we having for lunch?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
