Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
