Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
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I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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