Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
it was like eating out sand paper
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
