my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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