I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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