Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
