its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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