Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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