dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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