We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
