He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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