So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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