you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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