NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
