I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
