Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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