Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
well you can't waste a boner
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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