kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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