she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
