I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
