ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
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Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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