I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
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it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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