Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
