I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
