I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
PANTIES FOUND
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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