Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
