It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
