I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
