It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
