dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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