I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
