You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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