you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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