I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
