what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
