it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
