Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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