Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
