my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
