im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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